Hansel and Gretel
by Starwatcher
Summary: A little satire on child care.


THE TRUE STORY OF HANSEL

AND GRETEL

A short while ago, in a land not so far away, there lived a medium income woodcutter, along with his second wife and two children – a boy named Hansel and a girl named Gretel. It was around the woodcutters 45th birthday that the children's stepmother began to consider the departure of the two children.

"My dearest husband," she began one night. "We shall never be able to retire at this rate, and you can certainly forget that cottage on the Riviera. I say that we 'lose' the children in the nearby forest. I'm sure that they will be able to survive quite well. On top of still receiving the baby bonus, we won't have to pay for their food anymore. What say you?"

The woodcutter, unfortunately, agreed heartily, and the next afternoon resolved to put the plan into action. Thus, a short while into the hike, the two children found themselves alone.

Whilst Gretel was inclined to simply stand in one spot and cry, Hansel decided to explore the forest and find a way out. Together, the young ones began to walk through the forest.

Most fortunately for the children, a social aid worker just happened to be passing through the forest. Like any good social worker, he immediately scooped up the children and began to search for a foster home, ignoring the children's plea to be taken home. It was not long before the worker had found a promising volunteer – Old Lady Ginger.

At first cautious, the children immediately became ecstatic upon observing the old lady's house, constructed entirely of candy, icing and gingerbread. The social worker, upon seeing that the old woman was clearly a responsible homeowner, assumed that she must also be a good guardian. With these thoughts in mind, the social worker left the children in Lady Ginger's care.

No sooner had their temporary guardian disappeared, then the children were shocked by a sudden change in Lady Ginger's attitude. Immediately the old woman threw the two children into a closet and locked them in.

"This is certainly my lucky day," she cackled loudly. "I've been needing a new roof for quite some time now. Those troublesome crows keep pecking away at the god –damned gingerbread shingles. With the money I get from keeping you two, it'll be a matter of days before I can put in something permanent. Don't worry though – it isn't like I'll keep you in there the entire time. Someone has to clean around the house!"

As you can see, the children's situation was somewhat desperate. Not only were they forced into the small closet every night, they were also responsible for a dreadful variety of tasks around the house. Some days, making it back into the closet was more of a reward then punishment, and the only way the children stayed alive was though perpetual theft of unnoticeable furniture.

One day the old lady Ginger was preparing to bake another load of shingles for the roof. While standing behind the old lady, who was leaning quite close to the enormous oven door, Hansel quickly realized his golden opportunity. Without further

ado, he gave a tremendous push, and the old lay fell into the fiery stone oven, perishing immediately.

At last freed from their horrible guardian, the children were informed by the social worker that as the old lady's only dependents, the value of the house, as well as the contents of her bank account would be available to them. Overjoyed, the children finally managed to tell their caseworker about their parents.

A short while later, the children were taken back through the confusing trails of the forest and to their old home. The woodcutter and his wife had nearly left for the Riviera, but suffered a mild shock upon seeing their children alive and well. This initial shock was accentuated even farther by the fact that the children had returned with a substantial amount of wealth.

"I must thank you for finding our beloved children," proclaimed the stepmother, bringing a false tear to her eye. "You have no idea how much they are…worth…to us."

Content that his job was well done, the social worker left, leaving behind Hansel and Gretel with their parents. How they fared is of great debate, since only a few days later the entire family and their belongings vanished. Still, one can wonder how the greedy parents managed to…deal…with the children.

The End


End file.
